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12 June 2007 @ 05:40 am
This isn't the way it's supposed to be. Space, I mean. In the movies it's an adventure. Where's our Han Solo, and Obi Wan Kenobi? Well. I suppose maybe Sersi is Obi Wan, Hyperion is Han Solo, and Doom is Darth Vader? No... that really doesn't work out at all. Which most of the comparisons I've tried to come up with have just flat out failed.

Breakworld isn't the way these things were supposed to be. I could handle that first fight. Sure, there was still a lot of death, but at least Noh-Varr did it away from the ship where we didn't have to watch all those missles hit. It didn't seem as wrong when Binary and Ch'od were taking an entire flank during that first encounter, and I'd flip stragglers through their lines up into the air a few hundred yards and let gravity deal with them...

The second battle. There are no ifs, ands, or butts. I killed Breakworlders. A lot of them. It wasn't even like trying. I know I have a pretty good range - at least a few thousand miles. On Earth I could go anywhere on the planet - with accuracy problems. But accuracy really isn't a factor in 'straight up'. I didn't look out the windows on exit, but.. I wonder. Were they floating in space, like debris in a vacuum? Or did I just throw them up into the atmosphere so high that they died of a heart attack before gravity slammed them into their ugly ugly world?

I know some of them came back down. When they started closing in.. I started throwing my stepping discs out rapidly, two, three, four, five at a time at one point, just to make sure none of them got to me. I saw some of them crashing into the ground.. at least when I split my attention that way the distance gets cut. I learned what it looks like when someone takes a mile plunge without a parachute though.

I never want to see it again. I almost felt like cheering when a few of them flew when thrown, or got caught by those charioteers.

I don't even have a clue how many went through my stepping discs, how many survived, and how many didn't. I don't want to know. As soon as they sealed the hatch, I just lost it. What I did was bad enough, but seeing what that Binary woman and Noh-Varr did was so much worse. I broke down as soon as the hatch was closed. At least it was Hyperion who picked me up off the deck and held me, and talked to me. He had blood on him too. But he was so nice, as usual. At least to me he's been really nice.

He doesn't give me the chills like Noh-Varr does. I want to just drop a stepping disc under the Kree and throw him into space, but the little voice in the back of my head says "don't". Not because it'd be wrong, but because if someone has to do that kind of thing again - let it be him. I don't want that kind of blood on my hands. He seems to like it, let him do it.

My dreams have been pretty bad, except when Hyperion's been around. I didn't take Sersi's offer of making the dreams go away - if I don't face them now, I'd have to do it later. So I haven't gotten very much sleep - at least not good sleep, but it's forcing me to deal with it. And really - it's better it was them then me. I don't have a doubt about that, and it's why I'm not ranting about the others. I just.. didn't want to see it. It wasn't a good sight, and it was so pointless.

Next planet? Xandar. Hm. Kind of like Xander. The name of that guy Vin Disel played in xXx. Maybe I can go one alien planet without killing something.

Which is kinda funny, because when I first got my powers and I showed them to a friend and was acting a bit tough.. they asked me what I was goign to do, teleport them? Yeah. Guess teleportation is a bit more lethal then I'd have cared to thought about. I'd rather have not known though. The shocks wearing off, now to just make the nightmares and images of blood go away... This is the kind of stuff that gives people PTSD.

But, if Hyperion, Sersi, Doom, Noh-Varr, Corsair, and the others who seem to be able to cope with it can, then so I can I. None of them are better then I am, so that'sthe way it'll be.
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